The Octopus Thing

"When was the last time you had octopus?" she asked me.

"Not sure," I replied. "Months, years maybe? Not sure I've ever eaten the stuff."

"Well then, you're not alive. A person who hasn't eaten octopus has yet to truly live."

I'm not alive? Dear god what went wrong? This started off as a need to fill a hunger, now my very existence is being called into question." Well, we shan't have this disgrace on my record. Order me a plate of octopus this instant, and be quick about it.

Several minutes later, an empty plate of what once contained a moderately well cooked cephalopod, sat before me.

"Well?" she asked.

"It's a rubbery little bastard, tastes kind of like a fish that's gone bad."

She laughed. "That's octopus for you."

Hang on a tick, I'm confused. I was one of the undead for a very long, very traumatic 30 minutes. Granted, I've now secured my destiny and returned to the living, but I expected this achievement to be something more.......I don't know, grand maybe?

"So, what's so great about the flavor of octopus that's supposedly so amazing?"

She shrugs. "Absolutely nothing. Personally, I think octopus tastes kind of gross."

"Then what's the deal here?"

"The deal is, now you get to tell people that you've eaten octopus."

Ha! Watch out world, this man is now something to be feared.