Food Network Sellouts

I've spent the last few days sick and bedridden. In situations like those, when the mind is shot and the body in agony, there's really only one thing you can do; try and maintain on junk food and lots of television. So, that's what I did.

In the process of that, I noticed something unsettling brewing on one of my favorite sources of programming, the Food Network. Nothing within the actual content, mind you. Your average day is still filled with bakers proving their masculinity and women with many teeth. Par for the course for anyone who's devout. No, the problem lies under the surface...in the advertising.

It would appear that the celebrity chefs are starting to sell out.

I know this is nothing new. Emeril and Wolfgang have had their name on spices and stocks for a long time. I'm pretty sure Julia Child even had a line of stuff, don't quote me on that though. So, it's not uncommon for the culinary-minded to seek a little endorsing. But, this is a bit different.

I kept my mouth shut when "Rachael Ray EVOO" came out, which wasn't easy. Paying a premium for something that was already pricey just because her buck teeth were on the label is insane enough. But putting the stuff in the wrong kind of container? That goes way too far. Everybody knows that olive oil breaks down in excessive light and heat, and yet she approved packaging her oil in a clear glass bottle. And when good people put that newly acquired EVOO in their spice rack, as they are prone to do, they will find out that the quick decay of the stuff may force them to spend twice as much just to see her pearly whites again. For a woman who's made her career cooking food, you'd think she would've known better.

But hey, what do I know? I'm still an amateur at this. And besides, shhe's got her face on foodstuffs. It means people are gonna be using this stuff to prepare their own meals, which is what the programming is all about. If someone wants to spend the extra bucks to get Ray-approved olive oil, then goes home and makes a stellar meal for the family, all is right with me.

But this new wave of advertising is far uglier than any of this. We're no longer in the frontier of pretty people who can cook slapping their trademarks on barbecue rubs or seasoning mixes. Nope, now they're endorsing the enemy.

At first it was subtle. Rachael Ray did a brief ad for Ritz crackers. It was so well played that no one stopped to wonder why a person, who works for a network that spends a lot of time trying to avoid branding on their programs, would be promoting a brand name like Ritz. The world took no notice, paving the way for the second strike.

So Ray started promoting Dunkin' Donuts........Wait, what? This woman, who's been preaching the value of cooking at home, of making things simpler for people to enjoy home-cooking meals, is now promoting a fast food place? Donuts and breakfast sandwiches stuffed into an oven? What the hell is this? It not only goes against her supposed purpose, but against the mission statement of the very fucking network she works for! Didn't anyone stop and tell here that this might be considered a conflict of interests?

And now it's only gotten worse. Guy Fieri is off promoting TGI Fridays (which is a horrible restaurant filled with crappy food, I don't care what anyone says.) And Ingrid Hoffman is now calling Tostitos lard Cheese her "secret recipe."


This is only going to get worse people. With Emeril seeking retirement, Bourdain getting less an less airtime on the network, and the harsh treatment of Robert Irvine, it's clear that the studied and learned chefs are losing their place. The masses demanded people who were easier on the eyes, less gritty, and without all that fancy "chef jargon." Gone are the days of having good chefs work on TV, today it's the celebrity chef. Pretty people who are just so darn adorable that the fact they can barely cook is excusable. And unlike a real chef, who works hard to develop their name that they're a bit more cautious of what they endorse with it, these people have no qualms about selling out. Looking good and talking slow is really all they've got going for them. They're going to take anything out there.

And we're gonna suffer for it. Probably not today or even tomorrow, but soon. Food Network is already turning away from thought-provoking recipes and performance cooking, and going into promoting the restaurants of others. The interest is no longer in what you are capable of cooking, but at which locales your credit card can be accepted. And those who actually enjoy cooking their own meals will be out in the cold once again.

And for those of you who welcome this sort of thing be warned: It will not be long before your favorite cookster Rachael will be selling you underwear.