How I Love The Angry

I'm not the kind of guy who makes friends easy. And that doesn't mean I hate people simply because we're all on the same city block, nor does it mean I will curse your good name from here to my grave just because I don't like the look of you. It just means, that I keep my guard up....and often. I stay defensive until I get a good feel for how a person is and interact with them accordingly.

Being the gruff, mangy sort, it takes people some time before they even decide to approach me. And I give great kudos to anyone who does. You gotta be a pretty open person to look at me and say, "Despite the pissed-off look, the constantly balled-up fists, and that big vein sticking out of your forehead, I'm still gonna hear you out." It takes guts, and I always respect guts. Still, even chumming up to me will only get you so far. At best, it'll get you to a place where I won't ignore you when you talk. If your end goal is the walls broken down and full on, open conversation, be prepared to put in work. If the interests match up, and the attitude clicks, then maybe someday in the future we'll be pretty tight. If that sounds a bit too tedious, that's cool too. I'll just keep the ol' guard up and we can do the acquaintance thing until we're sick of each other. I can save all my endearments for other people.

And boy, let me tell you people something; nothing endears me more to a person than to watch them get pissed. Not frustrated, not cranky, not stressed out or grouchy, but full on "I will strangle your fucking cat" pissed. If you are so angry that you could inflict bodily harm on whatever derisive son of a bitch put you in that mood, and I happen to see it, we'll be buddies from then on out.

And it concerns me that I get so excited to see people so mad, because I'm not sure it's normal. I'm pretty sure I'm not a sadist or anything. I get bummed when good people get hurt, and hate to see dogs and cats get turned into roadkill. But, I have no problems seeing good people blow their tops. Weird.

I think it's because seeing someone pissed kind of sets the bar. You have an idea of what kind of tolerances this person has. I mean, if someone loses their mind at a fast food attendant because there was an onion ring in his bag of fries, you're probably not going to give them too much shit about the tie they're wearing.

Also, if those tolerances happen to match yours, then it's kind of subconscious bonding. Part of you says "Oh good, I hate that shit too!" and you feel a bit more comfortable complaining about it. Think about it this way, if you went to work and said to someone, "I hate this place," and they looked at you confused and replied with "Really? I love it here. I can't wait to come to work every day," wouldn't it make you just a little suspicious? I know I would. Hell, I'd probably spend my time wondering if they were a kiss-ass, one of the Happies, or an alien. Either way, I couldn't deal with them (except maybe the alien......as long as he left his probing gear at home.) I t would just be too hard to relax around someone who doesn't complain. So, I guess I align myself with those that do.

The reason I bring this up is because at my place of employment, I got to make a friend.

This person I had kind of known since I started at this place. She's one of those people who's just ultra easy-going. Assertive when she needs to be, but usually just quiet and trying to to make the best with what she's got. Naturally, I give her a ton of crap. She's a good sport about it though, shakes her head and smiles like it's no big thing. Very mellow and very cool.

Then today, she got pissed. Some changes were made at the ol' day job, changes that affected her and she didn't know about, and she commented on it. Not the kind of commenting I would've done, mind you. She didn't threaten to combine broomsticks and rectums or anything like that. She simply made statements along the lines of "Well as long as I've worked here," and "When did we change...?" Very reasonable combinations of words and phrases.

But it was her tone! A deep dark edge in her voice that dropped her voice down three octaves and made it snarl. For about ten seconds, she sounded like Michael Clarke Duncan, it was damn near terrifying. And she doesn't go into shy and humble when she's pissed, oh no, she'll eyeball your ass. Fan-friggin-tastic.

And as I listened to her speak those reasonable combinations of words and phrases, in the spaces between the words, I swear I could hear the following:


"Why are you jacking with me like this? I do good things for this shithole. I come to work everyday and put up with you infantile pricks. I smile in the face of kids and their dipshit parents. And now you want to make my life harder? You know what? Fuck you!"

I'm sure my ad-libbing is a little more vicious than hers, but the substance had to have been the same. She had pain inscribed into her voice, and she used her words with the hope that when they soared through the air and approached the other person's eardrums, it would climax in a bitch slap.

So, I have a new chum. And I'm stoked. The chance to complain about stupid people and their stupid guidelines is one that I will never miss. Misery may love company, but fury craves an audience.