The BGO Doesn't Rock

I'm sure we all know that the genre we know today as rock was spawned by blues and jazz. Back in the early 50's when Elvis hit the scene, rock & roll was pretty darn incestuous with blues. Oh the times how they have a'changed. You put anything off of rock radio next to our musical antiquity, and you can't even find a family resemblance. Yep, we've come a long ways baby.

Funny thing is, even rock isn't rock anymore. Things are split into so many sub-genres and varying degrees of influence, it's hard to tell what is what anymore. Nu-age contemporary fusion jazz anyone? How about some indie alterna-groove country? It's times like these you're almost grateful for the big box stores. They only make special sections for hip-hop, country, and jazz/blues. Everything else gets thrown into rock/pop, which makes shit a lot easier to find.

I'm not a big fan of labels for the most part. I can deal with the basics, like keeping a heavy metal artist separated from the hip hop guys, but I'm not going to play with anything complex. If you try and tell me your musical genre is something more than two words long, I'm going to have to laugh at you. You wanna be called retro sub-pop emo or some bullshit like that? Sorry buddy, you're just rock to me.

And what's wrong with rock anyways? I think rock is a damn fine label to hang your hat on. It's a good, strong word, with powerful implications. You walk up to any artist, doing any style of music, and tell them they rock, and they will always take it as a compliment.

Yesiree, it's a great thing to be rock. So it has been with some degree of sadness that I have to admit, the Bastard Groove Orchestra does not rock.

Nope. Not even a little bit. The BGO is rock-less. It is lacking in rock.

Putting on the scientific eye, there is one thing rock music has maintained over its maturity. A certain rhythm pattern that is common in all unique variants. Us musical types typically refer to it as a "driving beat." That hypnotic kind of "train engine" beat that keeps the rhythm section moving in a constant and steady pattern. It's very characteristic of the genre. All the emo-guys do it. AC/DC does it to death. Hell, Melissa Etheridge does it, and does it very well I might add. All these guys are rock, because they can drive the beat.

The BGO doesn't drive, it bounces.

My stupid beats bounce all over the place. Every time a melody gets settled, it changes. If rock music was the equivalent of walking down the street, then the BGO would be sex in the alley. So, I must conclude that the BGO, does not rock. It might fit in with the swinging sounds of jazz and blues, but there is to be none of that rock shit.

Which should be great right? Horray, I'm doing something different right? Well it becomes a problem when you're trying to pitch an album and all the websites force you to "pick a genre."
You need to be categorized right? Have your music put into a place where folks who dig stuff similar to yours can find you right? Makes sense I guess. I'll just pick the styles where I kind of fit in, and go from there.

Problem is, nobody really checks out the jazz sections of social networks, or music stores. The folks that do, prefer the softer, smoother sounds of the standards, not the sick sounds shooting out of my crazy ass .

The blues category is even worse. I'm not sure anyone goes to that section at all. Most of the guys who do are kind of elitists, searching for the great guitar players playing ridiculously long solos over standard blues grooves. No way in hell I'd ever catch their ears.

So what's a fella to do? I could change the genre to rock, but that would be a big fat lie since I clearly do not rock. But I can't just wallow in the shadows just so I can stick to my principles. So, I've been at a bit of a loss.

Lately, I've been relying on "Other." I think it kind of fits. I've heard people, upon hearing the BGO for the first time, make the remark, "Whoa. What the fuck was that?"

Why, it's "Other," of course.

Then they say, "Ooooh" and nod like it makes sense. So it works out alright. However, there are tons of places that don't have the option for "Other," which makes things kind of problematic again.

Mrs. Boogie suggested using "Alternative." Whilst the definition of the word would fit what the BGO does, I just can't get past my personal history of associating the "Alternative" genre with the early 90's grunge dudes. I worry that I'd be renting a room next to Nirvana, which would be cool for me, but probably would offend the hell out of them. I think if bands like Soundgarden and Alice and Chains found out I was in their genre, they would kick my ass.

So, I don't know. Obviously, the BGO needs something, I'm just not sure what yet. Any thoughts?