Boogie Visits Manti Utah

Manti, Utah, is just not my kind of town. And I felt perfectly comfortable saying this without ever having been there before. I try to be open minded when I stop by new towns and places, and give everything it's fair shake, but there was just something about Manti that I knew I would dread. It could have been the location, far detached from the apex of urbanized life, or it could have been the reputation that a certain religious organization has in that town, but I had no interest at all in visiting. I felt quite confident that if I pissed away my entire life without setting foot in Manti, I wouldn't be too regretful.

But, powers beyond my control have guided me to this town, so I have gone along for the ride.

I began to suspect that my fears were well founded the night I pulled into town. It was 10:30, and pitch black outside. I was exhausted from a long day, and barely functional. Certainly in no condition for managing curvy country roads with nothing but headlights and a poorly scribed map to propel me.

So, imagine my surprise when in the distance, I see a bright radiating light. I've been in situations like this before, and am pretty comfortable in identifying light sources. And I can tell, that this is no mere street lamp or billboard. No, this is something far grander. And it's only growing in size as I get closer. After 3o minutes of driving towards this guiding light that is ever increasing in size, I finally reach the town limits where this spectacle that has caught my gaze is truly revealed. I have been lead here by the LDS Manti Utah Temple.

My god, it looks like fucking Disneyland.

Manti is the home to the traditional Mormon. Those who follow the code without too much interference from the outside world. And while Salt Lake has the reputation for being "The" place, and "The" heart of Mormonism, the truth is that it's mostly a draw for the tourists. If Salt Lake were Jerusalem, then Manti would probably best be compared to Bethlehem. And admittedly, there is a certain "Christ child in the manger" quality to this whole scene. I can see how devout followers of the faith can see themselves being guided here by a holy star or some nonsense like that. Since I am not of said faith, the whole imagery just fills me with dread.

But, I know I'm to be here for at least two more days, whether I want to or not. So, I try to stay positive about this. "Maybe I won't kill anybody" I think to myself.

I pull into the lot of my motel , which has the words C.T.R labeled in happy font under the tall sign in the parking lot. Anyone who knows this state knows full well what those letters stand for and what they imply. If you don't, well don't worry about it. You're better off, trust me.

I throw myself into my room, and immediately start to get comfortable. Shoes off, music on, and a cocktail mixed in a cheap motel plastic cup. For a second there, I start to feel like I can make this work. That is until, I open up the laptop, and flip on the complimentary internet connection. After a long day of travel, one needs something that is both intelligent, and vulgar. South Park, usually fits the bill just fine for me. So imagine my surprise when I go to South Park Studios, and find that it's been blocked.

Yes blocked. Cut off. The path has been impeded. Guarded by some nanny system that prohibits the viewing of Adult Content on the signal. Apparently, wholesome living and a positive attitude are very much required in the privacy of one's own motel room.

So, I start typing in the names of clearly vagrant sites into the ol' search engine just to see what happens. Violence, swearing, pornography, all of it blocked. Then at some point I started typing random curse words into the search engine. Not so much to see what was going to be or not be rejected anymore, as a means of venting frustration. The Manti safety net caught each and every single one.

Truly I'm in an evil place.

I understand the purpose for this, really I do. By ridding the free spirited internet waves of filth, the followers will not be led into temptation. Hard to fall into a bad thing you can't even access. But men like me need our vices. Smut, guts, and profanity. And one tends to get mighty ornery when they are denied. Thank god Strongbad hasn't been put on purity watch here in the heart of Utah, or there would be no place to tame my fury.

On the next evening in town, I start walking down main street Manti. It's 9:30 and all life here apparently stops right at 9. The place becomes a ghost town, where passing cars and teenagers walking the drag are nonexistent. Nothing is open here, not restaurants or gas stations, all is quiet. This is a place where Wal Mart still has working hours. It's a nervous thing to be walking these streets. The lack of life is almost unsettling. And the few vehicles that pass by stare curiously at your presence. As though people being conscious at this time of night is an unusual thing. I might as well have been chain smoking and shooting a firearm into the air while donning a Hell's Angel jacket and a bottle of whiskey. The attitude would have been the same.

The buildings here are eerily similar, one looking like the next, which looks like the one before it, and so on and so on. There's a certain Stepford quality to the whole town. There is no graffiti on the walls, no cigarette butts or trash littered about the streets. I can't even find an oil spot on the sidewalk. Not one. I walk past a home with a sign next to it that says "engine repair." The house has no garage. Nothing that indicates hands have ever gotten dirty in the pursuit of refurbished internal combustion repair. Everything is asleep, yet one always feels like they're being watched. I glance over my shoulder and see the towers of the Manti temple following me like the eye of Sauron.

God's definitely left his mark on the town. Religion is the only thing that seems to be well preserved here. I noticed a LDS church on my walk down main street that was seated right next to the city building. The church was cleaned and well maintained, clearly the product of recent renovation. The city building on the other hand, was wrought from architecture from the 80's. The fading brick, and falling window adornments a clear indication of what takes precedent.

Eateries stand out like a sore thumb in the sparkly Manti landscape. Greasy spoons all with dirty windows and the faint smell of burnt peanut oil. The decor in these places is very 50's. Not so much 50's retro as the 50's was the last time this stuff was renovated. With the small handful of meals I've had here, I can comfortably say that Manti is not the place to be if you're a food person. This is a burger and fry town, and not in a good way. Everything comes from a package, And nobody seems terribly interested in changing that. In my travels across this place, I saw five greasy burger stands, and six pizza joints. The one higher end meal I had was quite the disappointment. A fine piece of cow that was beaten on a grill, and thrust on a plate with stale pepper and an overcooked potato. A clear injustice to a mighty animal.

The one saving grace to places like this are that the people are kind. And the folks who live here did not let me down. Everyone I met was very decent. Granted, I could see the staleness in their smile when my usual swagger and attitude came out, but they tolerated me. I have yet to fear pitchforks and a stuffed effigy of myself being lit on fire. One of the saving graces of the mormon religion is that people may dispise you and everything about you, but they'll be civil to your face while they do it.

It's my last night in town now. I'm locked away in my motel room counting the hours. I can't wait to get out of here. This place was not built for people like me. There is a status quo that must be observed, whether you walk the streets or peruse the internet in your own private way. Things go according to plan. And since I'm not one to agree with plans, I have no place here. Not that it's all bad, I've gotten enough out of it to document this little trip away as an interesting side note, and nothing more. No, I don't figure I'll be back here again. Not force nor gainful employment could ever sway me into returning. Clearly, we are a pair not designed for each other. We are two creatures set in our ways, unchanging and unflinching with what the modern world does around us. Manti was a form of torture for me during my stay, but I would never ask it to change. Clearly, the people there have made a type of life that works well for them. And while I may not understand it, it is something that must be respected.

But only at a distance.