Hitler's Birthday

Stumbled across this on the interweb, and felt compelled to say a few things.

So, here's the scoop: Heath and Deborah Campbell, a couple from New Jersey, saw fit to name their little boy Adolf Hitler Campbell who just turned three this week. And apparently, in the process of trying to order a birthday cake for their little son through a local baker, were flat out denied. The bakers refused to put the child's name on the cake, citing that they, "reserve the right to refuse printing anything on a cake they deem inappropriate."

Both parents are of course, outraged, commenting that the toddler has friends who are black. Heath was reported to have said, "If we’re so racist, then why would I have them come into my home?"

These are the facts, now here's my take on the matter:

WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS THIS WEIRD AND DEPRAVED SHIT?

You've got people who willingly, and without contrived force, name their child after one of the most infamous people in history, and then expect the world to be cool about it? I don't care what side of the fence you sit on, you can't argue that Adolf Hitler (the first one) killed a whole lot of people. That's not rumor or perspective, that's good old fashioned fact. And it's a pretty safe bet that the world at large feels a mite uncomfortable with ol' Adolf (again, the first one.) The man built up a hell of a bad reputation after all. Now you've got some crazy family who sees no problem in naming their child after the man, and then is surprised when people get squeamish? Ye gods, how does that work?

And let's face it, naming their child after Hitler was a choice. It's not like the kids last name was Hitler, and that the family was stuck with the stigma of having a name that transcended time. Kid's last name is Campbell. Lots of names could be applied to Campbell and still not carry any bad history with it. No, the fact is that this family CHOSE to name their son Adolf Hitler Campbell. It means that after lil' Adolf (the second one) was born, the two parents sat down, thought long and hard, and under no duress or pressure from anyone, decided to name their child this.

And bear in mind Adolf isn't the lone child in this equation. He has two younger sisters named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie (which may be a tribute to Heinrich Himmler) and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell. Apparently, the family is trying to build a little theme here.

So, it's pretty darn clear that I have a different personal politic than the Campbells. I'm pretty sure that if I were to sit down and talk with these folks, I wouldn't be much of a fan of who they are or what they believe. But, I'm not going to argue their right to do what they're doing. Mr. and Mrs Campbell, if you really wanna name your kid Adolf Hitler, well that is your right and I cannot stop you.

However.........

Did you really think that the world at large wouldn't freak out by this? That the idea of willfully naming children after murderers and extremists wouldn't go unnoticed? In what part of your brain did you really figure that a cake baking company would be okay with this? Hell, according to the article, you tried this very same thing two years ago. Apparently, they weren't willing to draw swastikas on a cake for some family function of yours. You'd figure by this point in the game, you'd take the hint. They're not down with your sense of style, or your ironic means of naming children.

And if I were you, Mr. and Mrs. Campbell, I'd start getting used to this. If you think getting a goddamn cake is hard, imagine the cold shock and discomfort of this kid going to school. You don't think there aren't going to be a few black eyes? Or how about when he's old enough to get a job? You think those employers are really gonna pounce on a kid named after Adolf Hitler? You have just made this poor kid's life real goddamn hard. And I'm not even sure why. Either you are real impressed and proud with Adolf Hitler's "achievements" or you just wanted to shock the world with your knowledge of sick history. Regardless, it's a little fucked up to use your kids as your own personal social statement.

I could go on for great lengths on this tangent, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to offer one solid suggestion to help smooth the friction:

Go to the fucking store, buy a fucking cookbook, and learn how to bake your own fucking cakes!