Half Asleep And Volatile

I am exhausted today. Fuzzy headed, corpsified, shouldn't be driving, but had to anyways because I had commitments, drifting into oncoming traffic and don't care, exhausted. I'm running on the most minimum levels of sleep and have faded in and out of consciousness all day.

And why am I so damn tired you might ask? Because I'm an idiot, that's why. I'm death-bed fatigued because I had to stay up and watch Resident Evil: Extinction, a movie that I knew would suck, but decided to watch anyways, because....I'm an idiot.

An hour and a half of plot holes, bad acting and stupid people. An hour and a half I'll never get back again. I'm beyond mere regret. Regret would've been feeling like I didn't do enough with my precious time. No, I'm feeling cheated. Like the makers of the film walked up behind me, and literally ripped 90 minutes away from me, then ran away laughing into the night.

And much as I would love to rip and tear this movie to shreds with my tuckered out, vengeful words. Or as much as I would like to buy a plane ticket to Hollywood and crowbar the knees of everyone associated with this film, I shall not. Nope, I'm gonna be good. Because despite how much I hate this film, I'm able to see that it's mediocrity is actually part of a much larger trend.

Yes my friends, I am talking about the trilogy. The modern day threesome that has become relatively popular as of late. I remember a few years back, that the third installment of a film series was something to be celebrated. It said to the world, "I made two things that were decent enough to make another one." And that's a pretty damn cool thing right? I mean, how often does a person get a third chance?

But today, the contemporary trilogy means something far worse. Now it says to the world, "I'm wrapping this shit up as quickly as I can, so I can forget I was ever involved in it." Don't believe me? Consider some of the more recent series to reach the threes:

X Men
Pirates Of The Caribbean
The Matrix
....and the aforementioned, Resident Evil

Now try and remember that sour taste you got in your mouth at the conclusion of el numero tres. Consider that feeling of disappointment after the credits. That sense of feeling robbed. Now, remember that feeling of seeing the first installment a few months later and thinking to yourself, "Why the hell did they make two more of these?" Admit it, you've all been there.

It's infuriating to reach that realization isn't it? You remember all the warm fuzzies you got from the first film, and then have to wrestle with the fact that those feelings are now diluted into pathetic semi-sappy endings.

And I know why these people do it. Hey, the first movie was pretty popular, well it makes good sense to make a follow-up. Of course, the sequel is never as good. Characters get weakened, the climaxes get more extreme, but not so extreme so there's room for a third, and the audience walks away going, "eh."

What I don't understand is why when someone puts money on the table for a third film, why the parties involved say, "I'll do it, but I won't like it." The animosity for having to make another movie in a series just leeches off the screen. The actors don't care. They read their fucking lines like Ben Stein smoking meth. When anything emotional happens, they kind of talk to the camera like a mother talks to her newborn. "Awww, dere dere. It's okay that a suppowting chawacter was pointwesswy kiwwed."

That's another thing about these trilogies, the writers just love to kill people off. Every chance they get. It's almost like they sit in rooms with the actor's face shots and say, "Wow, he's survived through the incidents of two films and is a fairly likable supporting character.....let's kill him!" And I know they're thinking in their fucking noodle heads that it's going to elicit a few "Aww's" out of us fools who paid money to see this dribble, but it doesn't work. Most of the time, we just sit there scratching our heads. Y'see, killing of characters has to be meaningful, but you guys just kind of rush the job, and now you've got an audience that's afraid to look away from the screen to sip a beverage, because there's a high chance that when they look back....someone will be dead.

And my favorite thing of all is the modern trilogy ending. Usually you end the movie with the ultra extreme feel-goods. Oh no, not any more. Now, there are so many story holes and plot fuck-ups in these things, that the only way you can end it is to throw something together and say, "Yeah, that's good enough." And for the rest of us, we walk out of that theater or get off our couches saying, "That was a happy ending.....wasn't it?"

I am so sickened by this. You would figure if you've made a name for yourself with a good product, you'd be smart enough to say, "I can't do another film as good as the first, so I'm not going to try." Yeah, you might miss out on all that box-office coin, but at least your reputation would be spared. Remember all those pats on the back you got for making such a good first outing? Never gonna happen again. Because people will never get over how bad the last one was. It was the most recent thing put in our heads guys, we won't forget it. And now, you have to deal with the knowledge that when you apply for your next job, movie, whatever, you'll have to say, "Well I made Blahblahblah the movie," and they'll retort with, "Yeah, but you also made Blahblahblah 2 and three. Get the fuck out of here." And nobody will ever take you as seriously again. I know I sure as hell won't.

Think about it............I'm going to bed!