Crime And Punishing For Text Infractions: Utah Style

In the what must be the most miraculous of news items, my twisted state actually passed a law I agree with.

In March of this year, (yeah, it's pretty obvious that I need to expand where I get my news from,) former Governor Jon Huntsman passed a law that banned sending text messages while driving. As it stands now, getting caught texting while behind the wheel will be considered a Class C misdemeanor. Do it again, or even worse, hurt someone while doing it, and it goes up to Class B with no questions asked. If you actually kill someone because you were getting your text on, it is considered automobile homicide, which is anywhere from a second to third degree felony. Don't bother requesting vehicular manslaughter, you won't get it.

Utah is notorious for throwing around bills that go completely over the top, and tend to be ridiculously excessive. And usually, I'm the guy standing on the sidelines screaming, "Come the fuck on!!" But on this I must admit, that tendency towards excess is actually a useful asset in this case.

I am a texter. I text openly, and often. In some ways, I feel it has further handicapped me in my antisocial ways, but I don't care. Sometimes, all I need to say is one sentence (though you'd never figure that out from reading this junk.) But I also realize there is a time to do it, and a time to put it away. Texting while talking to someone is flat out rude, doing it while people are asking you questions is incredibly unprofessional, and doing it while driving is ridiculously stupid. And I for one refuse to die on my half exhausted drives home because some dipshit couldn't wait 10 extra minutes to send out their "OMG's!" and "LOL's!" There isn't a damn urgent thing in this world you need to text. If its' an emergency, then you probably should just bite the bullet and make an actual fucking phone call. There was a time when cell phones didn't have extensive keyboards and you still managed to contact people, an emergency situation might be a good time to be old fashioned y'know? And if for some strange reason you can't make a call, but you can text......well pull the fuck over then. We'll wait for you to get done.

Bear in mind that this bill came about because people have already died. A couple of rocket scientists in fact (I shit you not.) All because someone couldn't wait to fire off that oh-so hilarious off color forward until they got home. Decent people who have no business suffering always pay the ultimate price when other people get careless. And while I have no idea how this will actually affect things in my twisted state, I'm optimistic that this may scare the pee out of a few texters out there.

At the very least, it'll keep me from doing it. Despite knowing better, I'll occasionally fire off a text at the stop light. I reckon it's high time for me to take my own advice.