Miley Cyrus......Yet Again!

Some people juggle, others play with fire......Miley Cyrus seems to like hitting hungry lions on the snout with a newspaper.

Last night she performed at the Teen Choice awards, where she unveiled a new single, and won herself a smattering of awards. But it was the performance that has my otherwise peaceful interweb all a'chatter, since it appears that Miley was a wee bit racy.

Racy you say? From Miss Miley Cyrus? Where have we heard that before?

So this is how last night's programming went down apparently. Miley strutted out on stage in what MTV.com refers to as "extra small booty shorts" and spent a little time performing a kid-friendly pole dance (if there is such a thing.)

So I watched the video at the above link, which was agonizing but thankfully short, and took a few notes. Here's what I came up with:

First, the shorts. Booty shorts, extra small....whatever. I don't deny that they're a bit skimpy, but they're not something all that shocking either. Frankly, I found the cover of Elle with Miley on it this month to be a bit more icky than this (oh, and thank you very much Barnes & Noble for putting that at eye-level. I'll be back later to burn your magazine racks to the ground.) To me, these are the kinds of shorts I associate with gymnasts or dancers. So, the most offensive thing I can see is that she's wearing dancer clothes, dressed similarly to the pro dancers behind her, and still can't dance worth a shit.

As for the pole dance thing, well here's where it gets problematic. You see even a child of great innocence can only think of three people whose occupation involves a giant pole: firemen, strippers, and Batman. And it's pretty damn clear she's not representing public service or masked vigilantes, which only leaves the one option.

I haven't seen it, MTV.com doesn't have a video of this event, and I'm certainly not going to go scouring the bowels of Youtube to find it. But I can do the math:

Teen showing ample skin + pole = suggestive behavior.

There's really no two ways about that.

And I can already hear the aftermath of this little incident. People will be talking like it's the darkest scandal in years (which it isn't......but that's people for you,) and Miley's camp will take a huge step back and pull some ridiculous fucking PR that will probably read off like this:

"I had no idea that my performance that night would happen that way. I was supposed to walk out in a fitted Amish skirt that was designed to show no more than 3 millimeters of ankle. And for some reason, for which I do not yet understand, they made me wear those tight skimpy clothes. And while I was trying to dance and sing about Britney Spears, those awful mean dancers threw me on that pole! I kept trying to stand up, but my boots were slippery, which is probably why it looked like I was gyrating on the thing. That mean nasty pole! It took away my innocence and made my fans think I was a whore! I protest the pole!!!"

Yup, and big daddy Bill will stomp around and yell at everyone for making his baby girl look cheap. It'll be a tween clusterfuck the likes of which you've never seen.

I warn you people, this is only the beginning. Disney breeds this kind of insanity, and once their clean-cut, buzz word chirping stars discover their hormonal dark sides, they unleash it on the public with a fury usually reserved for hurricanes. The nutfuck tendencies of Spears will be nothing compared to what this child will unleash. The bomb will fall big and loud on this one.

You have been warned.