Megan Fox Gets It, Michael Bay Doesn't

Much to my dismay and general irritation, the second Transformers movie has laid waste to the box office this week. The tag team of Bay and Lebeouf have managed to molest segments of my childhood yet again.....at least I can only assume since I have successfully fought the forces that want me to actually watch this nonsense.

But that's not what this post is about. I'm not here to complain yet again about how Mr. Mullet and the Pimple managed to suck even more money out of something pitiful, I think everyone's pretty comfortable with where I stand on the matter. What I did decide to speak on briefly, was Megan Fox.

Here's someone that was utterly forgettable in the last movie, and fulfilled her role of female interest/damsel-in-distress with reasonable expectation. Not mind-blowing great, but not absolutely dreadful either. However, I am apparently a minority in my gender, as most of the male population of the world has gone positively apeshit over her. Articles of her everywhere, photos on iPhones, and a bunch of lonely men talking about "gettin' wit' her." No matter where you looked, there she was, and for me it had gotten to the point where I was getting pretty annoyed with it.

Surprisingly, my opinion has changed a bit. Over the last couple months, I've stumbled across a few articles of her responding to questions ranging from comparisons to Angelina Jolie to her acting abilities, and in all those interviews she proved her self to be a very capable smart-ass.....my kind of people.

Recently she made this particular statement, which I consider pretty damn brilliant:

"I mean, I can't shit on this movie because it did give me a career and open all these doors for me. But I don't want to blow smoke up people's ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting."

Holy shit, she gets it! She is intelligent enough to comprehend that a movie entitled "Transformers" would probably be primarily focused on big fucking robots! This tickles me greatly, since the other dipshit who stars in this clearly didn't get the memo.

And apparently, neither did the guy who made this movie.

You know, I would have been totally cool if Michael Bay had just owned up to his creation. Admit to the world that he made a movie that was designed to do nothing more than occupy a couple hours of time in a very entertaining and popcorn-munching fashion. I would have had respected the guy if he had just said "Yeah, I made a goofy movie just to have fun with." But he didn't say that, no he responded with this bullshit.

"Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in 'Armageddon.' Shia LaBeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did 'Transformers' -- and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from 'Bad Boys.' Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in Transformers," I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films."

Sooooo.....apparently what you're saying is, your ability to hire a good casting director is what makes you an awesome director? Because I was under the impression that your job was to create a visually appealing movie that actually makes sense. But hey, maybe you don't have casting people, maybe you do everything by hand, I'll play along.

Let's go through your list. Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when you cast him you say? Do you mean the same Nick Cage who won a fucking academy award a year before starring in your dreck? Is that the same guy? How about that Ben Affleck fellow you mentioned? Didn't he also get an academy award? And coincidentally enough, one year before starring in a movie you made? Because if these are the same guys, you're basically saying you're able to hire guys who were recently received accolades for being talented, and that's not anything to write home about.

My personal favorites on this list are Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. Umm.....Michael? These guys had television shows before being in your movies. Which sort of means they were already well known before you involved.

In fact, it seems that everyone was off to a pretty good start before you started hiring them, which compels me to leave this small, miniscule tidbit of knowledge with your Mr. Bay, should you read this:

Ahem.....Michael? Hiring popular actors and putting big explodeys around them DOES NOT MAKE YOU FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!!!! It may be a successful formula for getting people into theaters but it does not "make" anyone's career. In fact, before you Nick Cage was a pretty decent dramatic actor. You had to go and give him the notion that he could cut it as an action star. You should be pretty ashamed of yourself.

As for Megan, she's found a minor fan in me. She's cynical, blunt, and doesn't take herself too seriously. I can dig on that. And, starring as a killer zombie thing in some campy horror film doesn't hurt your appeal. Rock on sister.